If I had to reflect and think of a few pieces of advice that changed my life over the years, one would definitely have to be, "Is this going to matter in three years?" I've used it so often through middle school, high school, and college and I don't even remember who told it to me. The point is: the thing you're stressing about right now, in three years will you even think about it? Will you even remember what you and your high school sweetheart got in a fight about? Will you care that you got a C on that test? (Not trying to deter anyone from trying to succeed academically). But will that one test grade really affect the rest of your life? Is this one small thing that is causing your face to break out really important in the long run?
If not, let it go. Middle school me would have probably told me that it's not that easy. And it's not. It's taken me years of practice to let the small things go and focus on the big picture. It's one of the reasons that I didn't stay in-state when I went to college, even though my boyfriend at the time was. And looking back, I'm glad I didn't because it never would have worked out with him. It's one thing to be someone that other people like. But even more important is being someone that you like. At the end of the day, as depressing as this sounds, you really only have yourself. And if you can't live with yourself, what do you have? And I'm not just talking about having upstanding moral character. There are things that I do that are a little iffy on the morals scale. I probably drink too much and could be a little nicer. You don't have to be a model citizen to like who you are.
As I'm writing this, it seems odd to be giving life advice as someone who hasn't been alive particularly long. I haven't fought in any war or raised a family. I'm not even in a successful relationship. But out of all my failings and flaws in life, I have been told that I give great advice. So I'm rolling with it.
It may seem like a harsh stance to take when you're in a relationship, when all you want to do is make that person happy, but the one thing that I will always tell myself and others is that you have to put yourself first. This goes for young people who are thinking about following their high school sweetheart to college (don't) to people in their mid-late twenties moving across the country for a relationship (also don't). One of my biggest regrets in life will be leaving a great internship to move in with a guy that I thought I was going to end up with. Generally, I tend to believe that everything happens for a reason and I was meant to take this path. But damn, I wish I didn't do that. It's okay to be "selfish," even though it's not really selfish when it comes to your career or your life choices. It's okay to put yourself first. If that's the person that you're meant to end up with, everything will work itself out. That person will make accommodations for you. You don't have to be the only one in the relationship who is making sacrifices for it. That's something that I wish I learned sooner, but I'm glad I did eventually.
I think as women we are trained growing up to believe that we have to be the supportive ones, the ones who give up things in order to better the relationships that we're in. You see it all the time with the generation before us, moms who give up their careers to raise kids because that's just what you did back then. And don't get me wrong, as a feminist, if you want to do that, you should. But you shouldn't do it because you think that's what's expected of you. I was like this too. I was sweet and supportive and left a great internship in order to be with someone. I was supportive of his career and when it came time for him to do the same for me, he wouldn't. So I decided that I wasn't going to put my life on hold anymore and I moved on without him.
The point of writing this is not to sound bitter or jaded or disillusioned with the idea of love. My point is that modern relationships require sacrifices, just like they always have. Except today you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. The modern woman is whatever you want it to be. You don't have to give up things in your life in order to be a good girlfriend or a good wife. A good man (or woman) will accept you for what you are and what you want in life and make adjustments in their own life in order to let you be that. Looking back, I'm damn proud of myself for picking up and leaving that place and that relationship. I'm better because of it, and I actually like who I am now. I'll say it again because I don't think it can be said enough: Do what you want and whatever makes you like yourself, you're all you have.
Bình luận